I haven’t done a B-Movie breakdown in a while, but I watched several of them over Christmas Break, so it seemed like a good time to bring them back. Some of these may not qualify as B-Movies (depending on your definition), but I figured I’d be thorough. You can see past B-Movie Breakdowns here.
A young woman and her cop father hunt a serial killer who makes his victims choose between two terrible fates.
Feasibility Factor: All horror movies are mostly ludicrous, but to truly get a good score in this category, the movie needs to be utterly ridiculous. This one falls pretty squarely in the “serial killer” category, which doesn’t score it any super points.
Hilarity Quotient: Zero. Nothing even remotely funny.
Re-Watchability: I wouldn’t bother watching it a second time.
Other Randomness: This movie is bad. Bad, bad, bad. And not in the good way. It’s not funny. Not campy. Not fun. The main character and her father are both idiots. (“Oh, the deranged killer wants me to meet him alone in an abandoned warehouse. What could possibly go wrong?”) The ending is a let-down. I did watch the whole thing though, so I guess it gets points for that.
Bottom Line: F+
Nick and his girlfriend find a freakish chair in a an abandoned house. The chair kills the girlfriend. Nick is charged with the murder and put in an asylum. Years later, a psychiatrist and several of his students take Nick back to the abandoned building to find out what really happened.
Feasibility Factor: It’s hard to rate this movie’s feasibility. The title alone would seem to win this movie a zero in this category (which is a perfect score, since the lower, the better). However, it’s not that simple. I don’t want to give away the ending, so I guess I’ll just say, it’s not as unrealistic as it sounds.
Hilarity Quotient: I give it a two. This movie has some seriously dark humor in it. That works for some people. It really didn’t work for me.
Re-Watchability: Zero. I’ll never watch this movie again, although I can see how it could become a cult classic.
Other Randomness: This movie has decent ratings on IMDb. I can see why, although I personally didn’t care for it. In many ways, it’s a statement about a society that can glorify brainless gore-fests. Near the end of the movie, Nick says (to the viewer, in a voice-over):
“As you can see it all got a bit silly right here. A girl with her puppies out, a demon, old banana over there in his pajamas. Is this what I promised you? Are we prick teasing you enough? Is this what you came here to see, all my brothers?
Look at this poorly written, badly acted bullshit! Is there any truth in this B-movie banality? No! No, there is no truth. Believe no one. Believe nothing. You freaks and geeks. You bloodthirsty morons. Fuck you! Bring on the red parade. So are there any pulses in the house? You deadbeat, midnight, freak-geek witted torture-porn gore whores! I know what you’re looking for, so have it! Take it, and fuck you all very much!
Did you ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?”
This is the real turning-point in the movie — the point where it goes from mundane, melodramatic, B-Movie to something more.
Or maybe less.
Bottom Line: I liked it, because it surprised me. But I hated it for just about every other reason. I give it a D.
When her child goes missing, a mother looks to unravel the legend of the Tall Man, an entity who allegedly abducts children.
The fact is, this is NOT a B-Movie. I went into this assuming it was going to be the usual Big Baddy Bullshit, but it’s not. It’s not really a horror movie at all. It’s more of a drama. It also has an actual point. Because of that, I won’t go through the B-Movie criteria.
I do give this movie serious points for surprising me on more than one occasion. I liked it, although I didn’t love the ending.
Bottom Line: C+
A group of college students go camping and encounter a couple of deranged killers. Except… not really.
(Whatever you do, do NOT watch the trailer. It gives away all the best parts.) 🙂
Feasibility Factor: Remember, in this category, lower scores are better, and this movie scores a solid zero. It is fantastically ridiculous.
Hilarity Quotient: Nine. This movie made me laugh over and over again.
Re-Watchability: This is probably where the movie suffers the most. I doubt it would be anywhere near as fun a second time.
Other Randomness: I loved this movie. It was fun. Slightly gory. Very clean, as far as horror movies go. I loved the way the writers took a familiar horror trope and turned it on its head. I also loved Alan Tudyk as Tucker. (You may know him as Wash, from Firefly.) The ending’s sort of goofy, but I can forgive that.
Bottom Line: Top score for a B movie is a B+. Based on the re-watchability, maybe I can’t give it a perfect score, but it definitely gets a solid B. I give it a big thumbs-up. Highly recommended. Go watch it. Seriously.