I’ve spent the last few months (since January, to be exact) writing and rewriting a blog post that I never managed to publish. It occurred to me yesterday, after talking to a couple of my long-suffering author friends, that maybe the reason I couldn’t commit to the post was because I had the message all wrong.
And so, I’m trying again.
It’s no secret that I’ve had a bit of a love/hate relationship with my career for a while now. I know authors are never supposed to talk about these things. We’re supposed to pretend like being a published author is all rainbows and unicorns. Maybe it is for some people, but it never has been for me.
I’ve been an avid reader my entire life, but gay romance is the only genre I ever wanted to write. It’s the only genre I ever felt passionate about. The problem is, that passion has suffered a thousand painful little deaths over the years.
In previous versions of this post, I outlined all the things that helped kill my love of writing: never-ending genre drama, the changing face of publishing, the fact that I don’t write fast enough to stay afloat in Amazon’s current market paradigm…
The list goes on and on, but after contemplating it for several months, I realize it doesn’t matter. Those are all contributing factors, to be sure, but the real issue is simply that my heart is no longer in it. Not only is the writing gone, but the love of writing is gone with it. I simply have no desire to sit down and put words on the page. I’ve barely written a word since January. Even when I was finishing up Trailer Trash, way back in December, I suspected it would be my last book. I always thought of it as my grand finale.
Well, it didn’t quite turn out that way. Certain developments (like one of my publishers closing) resulted in a few novellas releasing this summer. [Damned If You Do, Roped In, Normal Enough, and Making Waves] I hope you’ll still check those out, because they’re fun little stories. And for those whose first language is something other than English, there are still a string of translations lined up for release down the road. But for me, Trailer Trash is sort of where it ends.
For now, at least.
Which brings me back to those blog posts I never managed to publish.
I thought maybe it was time to call it quits. That’s what every single one of those unpublished posts said: I quit. But I couldn’t quite commit because, as I said before, gay romance is the only thing in the world I’ve ever wanted to write. And so even though I haven’t been writing, the thought of leaving completely scared the crap out of me. So instead…
I’m going on hiatus.
What does that mean? Well, nothing really. I’ve already admitted that I’ve barely written a word since January. Technically, I’ve been hiatus for the last eight months. But it felt like it was time to share it with the world. The way things stand right now, Making Waves (which comes out in September) will be my last book for quite some time.
Will I be back?
I honestly have no idea. Only time will tell.
In conjunction with officially announcing my hiatus from writing, I’m suspending all my social media accounts. Yes, you’ll still be able to tag me on Facebook and @ me on Twitter, because deleting the accounts completely felt extreme. (Are you sensing a trend here? I have a hard time committing to anything.) But for the foreseeable future, at least, I won’t be active on either site. I will not respond to tags or tweets. I apologize in advance for being antisocial, but as I said in a blog post several years ago, I didn’t become an author so I could spend more time on Facebook.
The one thing I will continue to keep track of is this website. I’ve never been a very active blogger, but I will continue to respond to comments on my site. (Except for the mean ones. I’m tired of those. I reserve the right to delete you if you’re only here to insult me.)
Other than that, I’m going into full-blown hermit mode. I fully intend to disappear for a while. I have no idea how long this will last. Maybe only another week or two. Maybe as long as a year.
Thanks so much to everybody who’s supported me over the last few years. I hope to see you all again on the flip side.